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Giving Thanks

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img_5122Twenty years ago I was a volunteer at the Boston Living Center, a community center for people living with HIV and AIDS. I can’t remember now how I first heard about the BLC. I do remember having some extra time the summer before my senior year. I met with Ron, the volunteer manager at the time, and for a few weeks before my summer job started I helped with the lunch program. Then that fall, a couple of days into my senior year, I found out that in addition to the community service we had as a school requirement, I would have the opportunity to go back to the BLC as part of a school assignment for my social justice class. I was to volunteer a set number of hours directly serving a population in need writing periodic reflection pieces. I know I went over the specified number of hours.  I also know continued well beyond the time frame of the project. Once I was there, it was a place I couldn’t stay away from.

I became a regular Monday night dinner volunteer. I was great at set up and serving (mostly) but I was lousy at clean up. Lorraine, who I remember vividly as the Monday night dinner volunteer coordinator, told me that sitting, eating and talking with BLC members and guests was often more important that cleaning up. I learned everyone has a story and every week I did my best to listen.

Without question, I am the person I am today because of what I learned at the BLC.

Every year the BLC hosts an event called Celebration of Life. It is an opportunity to give thanks for another year of life appropriately held at Thanksgiving time. Members and their guests dress up and are treated to a Thanksgiving dinner at the Hynes Convention Center. The event predates the BLC. It was begun by Peter Daniel Clark in a church basement. It grew over the years to serve hundreds of people and now has sponsors, entertainment, celebrity servers and a fundraising opportunities. I think I volunteered at three Celebration of Life dinners in high school and college. Then work, life and kids took over. Every year I think about the spirit of the event, the friends I made, the staff that worked tirelessly to make the event happen and hope that someday I would be able to go back and give back again.

This year it happened- twenty years from when I started as a volunteer I walked back in the Hynes Convention Center for this year’s Celebration of Life Thanksgiving Dinner.

image-1One of my dear BLC friends, Alfredo, received an award for his advocacy on behalf of people living with HIV/AIDS. During my time at the BLC, Alfredo was the membership coordinator and then director. He went on to be a part of the BLC Board and work for other HIV/AIDS organizations. The award is in memory of Peter Daniel Clark. I wanted nothing more than to be there for his special night and show my appreciation for all he taught me. Also honored at this year’s dinner was Michael, who will be retiring from the BLC after 20 years directing the meals and nutrition program.

My volunteer job for this year’s dinner was social media. It was great. I walked around and took pictures, quoted speeches and took in the celebratory atmosphere. A lot of faces have changed. But I got to see some old friends too- Ron and Michael, Shawn, Kristine and of course Alfredo. I also had the chance to think about friends not there and reflect on their friendships.

Thanksgiving with my family was wonderful too. We have much to be thankful for. But after spending an evening celebrating with my BLC friends, I really felt thankful for all the experiences I have had. So many things have changed in 20 years but so many things- like the love in the room, the smiles and hugs- have not.  And for that I am very thankful.

Election 2016

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I thought it was a sure win. The polls seemed to indicate that. Even people who were Trump supporters seemed to think they would loose on Election Night. But that’s not what happened.  I stayed up until 4am watching the analysts trying to find the words to explain what had just happened.  Their lack of words was exactly what I was feeling.

Hillary Clinton was almost the first female president. She won the popular vote. Trump alienated large groups of people and is volatile.

And now we have to explain this to our kids. Love is suppose to trump hate. But it sure doesn’t feel that way.

img_5068The were so excited on election day. They voted for Obama twice and hoped to vote for the first female president. Instead we had to talk about how people could vote for someone who has said horrible things about people and who has made their friends afraid of what the future may hold.

 

Thank you.

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img_4988For the fourth year – every year he has been in his large Boston public school – my fourth grade son attended the school Costume Party in a “girl costume.” In first grade it was Princess Merida, in second grade he was Elphaba from Wicked and last year he was Wendy (from the hamburger chain). This year he wore a white dress and blonde wig and was Marilyn Monroe.

I’m not writing about how our family chooses to accept our son for who he is, which we always have and always will. I’m writing this to say thank you. My husband and I insist our kids write thank you notes for gifts and kind gestures. So this is my thank you note to those who every day accept and love our son and allow him to be who he is.

We are thankful for his school. It is a place where all kids are welcome. It is a wonderfully diverse place- different races, religions, ethnicities, socio-economic levels and family make ups. Kids are kids and challenges are used as teaching moments to instill “Doing the Right Thing,” as their school calls it. We are fortunate that the school has the resources that engage all students. For my fourth grader having art and dance and music during the school day makes going to school fun. While they do have uniforms my child finds ways of adding metallic high tops to accessorize. He also brings a mint green and pink back pack and a pink lunch bag to school. While he’s been questioned about his choices, he’s never felt the need to compromise his favorite colors and personal style.

We are thankful for his teachers who treat him with kindness and respect. They enforce all the good things we love about his school. They celebrate differences. He trusts them. It’s not just in the classroom, it’s about everyone. It’s the lunch lady who doesn’t question that he only wants to sit with the girls, the teachers he’s never had coming to see him in a show and the principal who tells him stories about family members seeing Hamilton stars.

We are thankful for his classmates and their families. There have been kids in other grades, and even kids in his class at the beginning of the school year that questioned my son’s love for talking about hair styles over super heros. I have seen them accept him, welcome him and defend him- a complement to their families. His friends posed for pictures during the party and adults and kids complimented him on his costume. His smile lit up the room.

But where did my son’s confidence come from? Who are the people he looks to and sees as role models? His theater friends. We are so, so thankful for his group of friends. His theater friends include kids his own age and kids in high school, and adults he has been in shows with and production staff members. He calls them all friends. It’s always a surprise when we meet a friend he has been talking about and the friend turns out to be not another fourth grader. He is treated as an equal and he in turn treats everyone as an equal.

Just before first grade, while in a show with middle school students, my son became friends with three older boys. They told him his pink lunch box was cool. They sang the same show tunes with him. They made him feel like one of them and invited him to sit with them at lunch.

The short blonde wig with curls that inspired this year’s Marilyn Monroe costume came from a theater friend- a grown up friend playing his dad in a show this past summer. My son was singing songs from musicals set in the 1920’s and he thought my son might like it (more like loved it).

After weeks of singing Hamilton songs during a show rehearsal, a fellow cast member somehow found a way for a short birthday message from a couple of Hamilton cast members to be recorded for our son’s birthday. He couldn’t contain the excitement of telling everyone it was the best part of his birthday.

Acts of kindness like this happen in his world. For those acts- the conversations about other shows he loves to hear about, the backstage sing-a-longs, the cards and kind messages, hugs of congratulations and interest in his fourth grade life- we are thankful.

And of course our family- the grandparents, aunts and uncles and our friends who sit through the shows, smile when he has another story, hem his Marilyn Monroe dress and love him no matter what, we are eternally thankful. There are no words to describe the love of his older brother- his protector, co-conspirator and partner in crime.

Our son is in his element in his theater world telling stories, being characters and creating other worlds. We joke that Halloween and costume parties are high holy days for a kid like ours. Because of so many wonderful people for whom we are eternally thankful our son can enjoy his favorite holiday. This year in his white dress and blonde wig as Marilyn Monroe.