When the baby is no longer a baby

Brendan has not been a baby for a long time.  Once he decided to no longer wear diapers, that was it (no night time pull ups, no accidents even).  He talked early (lucky us) and has seemed to want to do things like Aidan for a long time.  It’s hard to remember him as little sometimes. But he is still the baby.

But now he’s not a baby.  He has opinions about his clothes- lots of them in fact.  He has jobs he does, something we have encouraged in supporting Montessori at home.  He is a kindergartener. He doesn’t wear a bubble swimming anymore.  He makes his own lunch. He reads! He does math! He has conversations that seem so grown up!

Last night he was showing off how he could tie shoes.  Really?  When did that happen?

One thing he loves about school this year is being a big kid.  The beauty of the third year of Montessori.  He has been teaching the “morning children” all sorts things- when to have snack, how to set up work on a rug, where to sit in circle time (“Can you believe the morning children think they can sit in the middle of the circle?!”).  Then in the afternoon he spends time working on letter and numbers and lessons like tying his shoes or, more important to him, braiding!

He will always be my baby, and thankfully he still loves cuddling (this will never end!!).

But he is making us proud doing lots of big kid things.

Boys.

On September 27, 2004 I found out I would be the mom to a boy.  I was, of course, excited about being a mom.  But in the midst of dancing school with 125 girls and growing up in a house of girls (plus Dad who had six sisters), I had no idea what to expect.  Would I have to learn super hero names? Would I get sucked into a world of Legos, trucks and cars?  Worse yet, would I be on a first name basis with the pediatric ER staff?

What about dance classes? Dolls? The stuff I knew, loved and figured I would play with again?

Of course these are all generalizations and gender stereotypes.  And after eight years I would never say that I am an expert.  But there is something I have learned.

You don’t parent a gender.  You parent a child.  You learn about you child- their likes, dislikes and interests.  I learned a great deal in Montessori trainings about following each child and figuring out what makes them unique and special and fostering that.  I learned about preparing the environment and standing out of their way while they learned on their own.  Sure as a parent (much like the teacher), you are there for help, guidance and questions.  But overall, you observe and use your observations to guide.

Aidan loves science and math.  He would be happy doing science experiments all day.  He also loves geography and history.  He is very much interested in Abe Lincoln, the Revolutionary War and countries.  He is not really interested in war toys, super heroes or cars.

Brendan loves dolls, dresses and imaginary play.  He will sit and play Legos with Aidan but would rather play with princesses.

Now that the kids are in school and have friends and are learning more about the world around them, I am sure their interests with change and other things will be included.  That’s fine.  They will figure that out on their own.  And we will figure out, as we have for almost 8 years, what that means for how we parents each of them.

But what I do know is I love being the mom of Aidan and Brendan.